Now That's What I Call Alternative Literature

volume 1
volume 2


f. r. and i are friends to the end

i am calling you my friend
and spelling it carefully


i have trouble with ‘receive’
but not ‘friend’ too much anymore


which is strange since i can basically spell every other word
in the english language


it is hallowe’en and it is warm out in south carolina
we’re wearing matching masquerade masks and white gloves
sitting smoking outside the brewery where everyone else is pre-gaming for nothing
a homeless man about sixty years old in a bathrobe for a costume comes up and pretends to flash us about forty times
i light a cigarette for him and he kisses my gloved hand. he asks us “are you two gay? do you suck his cock?”
we say no, we’re not gay. he says “that’s a shame, i’m as gay as a two dollar bill, you two are pretty”
and he pretend flashes us another thirty times until a cop drives by
later we go to the gay bar down the street
pounding dance music thrashes my ears
strobe lights make everything half-time
i dance with my drunk friends
my drunk friends start making out
a girl on ecstasy in a mummy costume
pulls my face into her crotch
pulls my face into her face
shoves her tongue down my throat
pushes my hand up her toilet paper skirt and inside her
grabs my ass, shoves her hand down my pants
i break away as last call sounds, sad and angry


Tyler Arsenault is a twenty-year-old sailor from Providence, Rhode Island. He currently lives in the woods in upstate New York and works too much to effectively maintain an internet presence. His writing has previously been featured in Screaming Seahorse and Shabby Doll House.