Now That's What I Call Alternative Literature


volume 1
volume 2


'Two Octobers' by Samantha Conlon

thought about ‘left handed kisses’ and ‘lovers’, felt like i was feeding on some sort of energy that i accidentally, but fortunately, tapped into, waking up was now easy and sleeping alone felt like sleeping with a very big soft bear who loved me largely and all ways, felt full of strength
 
woke up on The Day, put on expensive red lipstick and a soft, sheer white shirt, tiny boots too, breathed slowly all through class until 1pm came, felt everything crisp lightly under my feet,  the october kind of walk, the gliding happiness that comes with being a human who can protect themselves slightly from the enviroment while still being touched by it, touched on the nose and fingertips, i climbed the hot bus, i went into it out of the cold day, felt excited and full of love 
then i saw you, and though my presence was unexpected you were untouched, unmoved, i understood that october didn’t mean the same to you and the crisp under your feet just bothered you because you were wearing italian boots and you didn’t care about your nose being cold but the rest of you hot, it didn’t touch you in the same way, felt like the blue and grey you were wearing suited you, looked at your face and remembered you differently, felt all your sadness transfer to me but stopped it at my skin, selfishly wouldn’t let it go further, honestly, i was hurt and angry inside, but felt resigned to it, this was it, thought to myself ‘how could it be any differently?’, you didn’t look at me much, even though my hair and face were looking good
 
i am happy when you are here you are happy when you are away, said who? thought who? 
 
realized that we can never make each other feel very good, kept looking at your face intensely when you weren’t looking but also when you were, tears came to my eyes three times, a car horn honked, you yawned, you stretched, you slept and i looked out the window where i  could see a huge blue sky and a cathedral and birds and felt like you took my october away because you made me face the fact that people can’t make other people happy, that being both human and satisfied is only for some
 
the idea of The Day was fuel for me for the hours and minutes and seconds before it’s arrival,  but the ending was all wrong, instead of me facing you and telling you everything that was inside me and about the end of the sadness, i opened my mouth to talk and you laughed at some things i tried to say, your body language blocked me out, you looked like you were going to fall to pieces when you made tea, you didn’t want to fuck me, you fell asleep through everything we were watching, your skin perspired when i tried to move to you during the night, i whimpered in my morning sleep and reached for your hand which ten seconds later you took away 

 
felt uncomfortably human, felt old feelings come back, felt you leave, felt you happy without me 
 
i am happy when you are here you are happy when you are away, said who? thought who?
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samantha is a 22 year old studying for a BA in Fine Art at Crawford College Of Art, Ireland.
she specializes in multimedia and sculpture, writing has a large role in her working process.